Starbucks and AirDrop
by Lilymaid620
Summary: Wade Wilson is kicked out of his apartment by his roommate and her girlfriend. He finds himself at Starbucks taking advantage of their free Wi-fi. When a cute stranger comes in Wade struggles to find a way to ask him out, thanks to the boxes again. Will he figure out how? Spideypool oneshot. Modern AU.


**Starbucks and Spideypool**

 _ **[yellow box]**_ _[white box] Deadpool speaking to the boxes_

Starbucks. It was a safe haven for hipsters, coffee lovers, and anyone who needed easy access to Wi-fi. The later of these three was Wade Wilson. He appreciated ridiculously expensive fancy coffee as much as the next person…not. Honestly, he could care less where his coffee came from as long as it woke him up. But he'd once again been cruelly forced onto the streets to face the harsh world all alone! Okay, maybe that wasn't so true… but he had been forced out of his apartment for the umpteenth time that week by his roommate.

Harley was usually a great, if weird, roommate. He didn't mind Bernie, he taxidermy beaver, that she constantly moved around the apartment or when she randomly brought home wiener-dog declaring that his name was Fido and that he belonged to them now. That was fine, Wade wasn't exactly the sanest and stable person himself what with his boxes and habit of wearing women's clothing, even Harley's at times. But even he had his limits! And his limit was whenever Harley brought her girlfriend Ivy around. It wasn't that he was against lesbians, his sexuality was far more of a moving target than theirs was. He didn't dislike Ivy either, quite the opposite. Harley had been with a super abusive scumbag of a joker back when he met her. It was only after he'd started attempting to kill her more than once that Wade had finally convinced Harley to file charges against him from her hospital bed. She'd moved in with him after she was released from the hospital and stayed even after her ex was locked in jail and the key thrown away. Ivy was so much better for Harley, supportive, kind, and understanding of her past.

Wade loved Harley and Ivy. They were his ultimate OTP. That love did not extend to their bedroom activities. Wade was the furthest person from a prude, but that didn't mean he wanted to listen to his roommate and her girlfriend have sex. Very loud and very vocal sex. After the third time, he'd been home and he'd heard Harley screaming "OH GOD FUCK ME HARDER! I'M SUCH A BAD, BAD SLUT!" Wade had found himself searching out places to hideout until he got an all clear text from Harley. Thus, Starbucks. Wade could hide out here, pay for an overpriced coffee whatever, and chill out in a comfy chair with his laptop, enjoying the free Wi-fi, safe from Harley and Ivy's exclamations.

Wade was just sitting watching the newest episode of My Little Pony, enjoying how Pinkie Pie centric it was when the door opened. Wade glanced up at the newcomer. It was a guy, probably about 20-something. He had messy brown hair and thick black glasses. He was totally rocking the cute nerd look, although he appeared to be decently muscular despite his lean figure. Wade was thankful for the cute eye-candy and about to look away as the nerd walked up to the counter when he saw it. DEAR GOD!

 _ **[That right there is the best ass to ever be on or off a man!]**_

 _Hell yeah, it is!_

 _[You want that ass!]_

 _ **[You wanna fuck that ass!]**_

 _[You want to bite that ass!]_

 _ **[You want to grab that ass and-]**_

 _Stop right there! Mallorie wants to keep this rated T and she's already pushing it with that Harley and Ivy description earlier._

 _[You still want that ass though.]_

 _Of course, I do, but we've gotta play it cool!_

 _ **[You should walk up to him lean in and tell him all the dirty things you want to do to him in that bathroom right now!]**_

 _That is the exact opposite of playing it cool!_

The guy with the best ass in the world set down his muffin at a table across the room from Wade. He leaned over to pull his laptop giving Wade and the boxes another excellent view of that perfectly taut little ass. Holy Shit! It was the most amazing ass Wade had ever seen!

 _[We need that ass!]_

 _ **[For once I agree with the white dumbass!]**_

 _[Yeah! Wait! Who are you calling a dumbass?!]_

 _ **[You, ya dumbass!]**_

 _[RealDumbassSayWhat!]_

 _ **[What?]**_

 _[Ha!]_

 _ **[Hey!]**_

 _Shut up you two! We need to figure out how we get that hot piece of ass._

Wade glanced back over to where the hot nerd was sitting. He was busily typing away on his laptop, completely engrossed and leaving his half-eaten muffin untouched. He looked at the laptop. There were a couple stickers on the back. One said, "May the F=m*a be with you." The other was an angular red and blue gradient spider. And that's when he saw it. The glowing apple on the back. Hot Ass Nerd had a Mac, just like Wade. If he was lucky… Wade pulled up AirDrop and looked at the nearby devices. None of the nearby ones showed a picture of his nerd, but one was labeled "Web-slinger." He remembered the spider sticker on the laptop. That had to be him right? Or was he "HellokittygirlXOXO"? No, he had to be Web-slinger. Wade readied his word doc. One picture of a dog with pink sunglasses and just add "Will u go out w/ me?". Wade took a deep breath and sent it.

 _[YEAH! Get that Spidey Ass!]_

 _I'm trying!_

He heard a ping come from his nerd's computer. Looks like he was Web-slinger. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his nerd look around, probably trying to figure out who had Airdropped him. Then he turned his head back to his laptop screen. There was a slight smile on his face.

 _ **[That's one sexy smile. I wonder what he'd look like when he's riding our-]**_

 _Mallorie's Rating!_

Wade looked back at his screen to see that Web-slinger had AirDropped his own document. On it was a black and white picture of a cat in a hammock with aviator sunglasses. Above it was "Buy me a Mocha Frappuccino. I'm yours." Wade immediately whipped out his phone. He opened up the Starbucks app and immediately put in the order, telling them to put down Web-slinger for the name instead of his own. Not long afterward the barista called out the order. Hot nerd stood up to go pick up his order.

 _ **[Spidey Ass! Spidey Ass! SPIDEY ASS!]**_

 _[Go get that Spidey Nerd ASS!]_

 _I will!_

Wade collected his stuff and walked over to his nerd's table. He looked up at Wade and smiled.

"You must be MercMouth69." Wade nodded. Web-slinger held out his hand. "I'm Peter. Peter Parker. Wade took his hand and brought up to his lips.

"Wade Wilson," he said before kissing Peter's hand. "You have the greatest ass I've ever seen." Peter flushed bright crimson, somehow becoming even more adorable and sexy. Wade laughed and sat down next to Peter, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. "So how about that date?" Peter leaned into Wade's arm, sipping his Frappuccino.

"Let's see how coffee goes." Wade decided right then and there that maybe having to hide out in Starbucks from Harley and Ivy having sex wasn't such a bad thing. And if everything went according to plan then he and his hot little nerd would be forcing Harley out of the apartment VERY soon.


End file.
